It was a bumpy ride from Amsterdam to Mumbai. My seat was next to one of the wings and as I looked out the window, I couldn’t help but think, What if these wings malfunction? What if this plane crashes?

I observed the wing as we took off. Its movement, like a dance, bending, lifting, producing shape and negative space. I felt the pressure heighten underneath the plane floor as the rocking suspended our flight attendant service and I couldn’t help but remember the early 2009 crashes due to icing and birds annihilating themselves to feathered bits as they smashed against propellers and a plane landed on the icy waters of the East river. I thought about my dreams and wondered if I was living them everyday and I thought about heaven and Nancy Lee and how fragile all our lives are and how one moment you could be breathing and the next, limp. Dead.

Am I living my dream? Yes yes yes!, I thought to myself until Aniru, the young aeronautic space engineer seated beside me, misinterpreted my furrowed eyebrows and started explaining that the current wing shape was normal so I shouldn’t worry about the plane crashing. My seat belt continued to jiggle uncontrollably.

Today I am keeping a promise to read bible verses (my current healthy eat!), and I am thinking of God, His Word, and what now seems like my meager dreams.

Isaiah 40:8 The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.

Wow, I sigh, in the dimness of this hazy blur of jetlag. Wake. Sleep. And I am humbled and reminded about my dreams, my life, my selfishness. Mine mine mine.

Yes, I am happy and I claim my happiness and I know Who the source of all this joy is. But at the end of my life, my dreams, my blessings. They will all wither like grass. Fall like flowers.

And why of why?, I ask as I step away from wake and into the soothing waves of half sleep, half write.

Because He has bigger dreams for me. Dreams that I can’t even begin to imagine with my mind’s eye. Dreams that I can’t even imagine being pleasurable. At least. For this moment.

But that dream. His dream.

His dream is for me to be with Him.

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